Monday, July 31, 2006

Perversion Runs in the Blood

At some time or another, everybody gets Googled, and eventually everyone Googles themselves. The single best way to do it of course, is as an advanced search where you try to nail down yourself and yourself only, so as to see exactly how many mentions you get on the Internet.

There is a good reason that Google! is the single best search engine in the known Universe.

I get a kick out of entering "Hemingson" occasionally, as opposed to "Vince Hemingson", because normally, I get WAY more Google entries than any other Hemingsons out there. I get immense, indeed, perverse pleasure all out of proportion to the achievement, to kicking the collectives asses of my father, Uncles, cousins, assorted relatives, and chubby little brother - although technically he's a middle-child - which explains everything.

Technically it just means I am the Hemingson who is the best media whore. Was there ever any doubt?

There is also a Deny Hemingson out there who is apparently a pretty damn good guitarist, although he's never returned my e-mails. He's a Hemingson I'd really, really like to meet. Deny has also apparently run a marathon.

There is also a David Hemingson who is screenwriter in California - which I find deliciously ironic - and he's never returned any of my e-mails either! Bastard! But of course, he probably knows I'm looking for a job. If nepotism won't fly in Hollywood of all places, what is going wrong with the world!?! And David is successsful in both film and television - good on you blood brother!

My cousin Chris Hemingson snagged www.hemingson.com and then completely wasted the URL (at least as far as I am concerned). Of course I mostly feel this way because I was too stupid to think of it first.

There is my cousin Russell Hemingson, who has run a FASTER marathon time than me, by less than ten minutes, I might add. This year I'm going to crush you Russell and I outweigh you by at least forty pounds! (20 kilos for you the rest you)

The interesting thing about the name Hemingson, however, is that we are generally ALL RELATED, although there are a few variations in the spelling.

Hemingson is originally Norwegian (although some claim it was originally from Denmark). Regardless, my Great Grandfather - or was it Great Great - came from the village of Tromso, some 16o miles INSIDE the Arctic Circle, at the end of a long, narrow, fjord that leads out to the North Atlantic. And he came to America with some brothers.

They mostly ended up in Minnesota. What a shock for Scandanavians, eh! But a bunch moved north to Canada, mainly in Manitoba.

The original spelling of the name was Hemmingsen, but other common versions are, Hemmingson, Hemingsen and of course - Hemingson.

Anyways, while wasting time before geting down to some real work, I did the old Hemingson Google search - except this time I mis-spelled Hemingson.

As fate would have it, I wrote in "Hemmingson", adding an extra "m".

Speaking of extra "m"s. Who should dominate the "Hemmingsons"?

None other than one "Michael Hemmingson".

A writer, no less.

Obviously related to me somewhere down the line.

And does this guy write!

He pumps out the material!

Literally. He's published tons of volumes.

Because nearly everything written by Michael Hemmingson is pornography.

Okay, that's not really fair.

It's labeled and sold as "Erotica". Published by Blue Moon Books.

The next best part is that Michael Hemmingson also does the Front Cover Photos of women who are haunted by their eroticism and must act on it.

I love this guy!

Michael and I are obviously twins who were separated at birth.

Obviously I had to buy some of Michael's works.

Here are the two I could find:

HOUSE OF DREAMS III (obviously House of Dreams I & II were wildly successful and sold out)

Synopsis: Kathleen places an ad: "Female Will Do Anything for $10,000". She is offered three alluring choices: perform a live sex show as part of an artists's gallery opening; become the slave of an adventurous lesbian couple; or be a man's amorous companion on a six-month sailboat voyage around the world. In this final installment of the
House of Dreams trilogy, Kathleen is able to explore all three erotic choices in parallel universes.... each leading to Kimber, the catalyst of Book I and II.

AMATEURS

Synopsis: Beryl and Stephen investigate the limits of fidelity and save their lackluster marriage through hot tub orgies, extramarital partners, and amateur pornography. The porn tapes start as a private hobby but soon become public and profitable. Beryl and Stephen quickly become part of a vast subculture of Internet entrepreneurs, erotic explorers, and lost souls whose moments of love, lust and role-playing can be purchased on Web Sites and at the nearest adult bookstore.

Michael Hemmingson - whoever you are - wherever you are - cousin, distant blood-relative, and fellow Bon Vivant, you are one member of my gene pool who I'd LOVE to buy a good bottle of red wine, or Scotch, the poison of your choice.

I'd fly anywhere for one afternoon's conversation...

vince@vanishingtattoo.com

vhemi@aol.com

1 Comments:

Blogger The Pizza Delivery Guy said...

Yeah, I've done an ego search or two before. Interestingly enough my Father is a Hemingson. Who was born and raised in Minnesota. Freakin' Fantastic. Anyways, I'm Stephen Hemingson. Nice to meet you.

9:25:00 PM  

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