My Father's Heart
My father is getting discharged from the hospital tomorrow - did I mention he was re-admitted on Christmas Day? - and my first response on hearing this news was to experience excruciating pain in my chest. I kid you not. It almost brought me to my knees. I walked back to my car gasping for breath, and in agony, until I washed down a couple of aspirin.
Families. Ya gotta luv 'em...
I have been suffering severe chest pain for several months, specific to my left pectoral, and it feels internal and it radiates into my left arm. Of course, I am not the slightest bit ignorant of the fact that it happens to have coincided almost exactly with my father having been admitted to the hospital in Washington State with a heart attack on November 7, also about the exact same time I began to suffer from insomnia.
The chest pain, imagined or otherwise, is a dull ache that I feel almost every day, sometimes for several hours, and sometimes the pain is absolutely excruciating. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with chest pain. I know it sounds crazy, and I feel crazy for even thinking it, but I have to wonder, is it possible I have arterial blockages even with all my running? Am I just being a psychosomatic hypochondriac? A sympathetic heart attack?
I mean, even I am the first one to admit what a fucking drama queen I am. When the pain is really bad I take a couple of aspirin and I feel better. Imagination? I'm a FUCKING writer!!!
I mean, I did weigh fifty pounds more than I do right now when I was 39 and 40. I know I've run almost twenty marathons in the past six years but so did Jim Fixx and he dropped dead in his mid-fifties. Of course he also smoked but he was a skinny little bastard when he dropped dead.... And my Father, my Uncle and my Aunt have ALL had multiple heart attacks, bypass surgery and gotten diabetes BEFORE the age of sixty.
I even enrolled in a medical study because I get a blood test every month for nine months and a whole series of EKGs (or ECGs). How bizarre is that? Of course having erratic readings and having the nurse tell me I seemed "under stress" hasn't helped at all. Fact is, both my resting heart rate and my blood pressure have shot up in the past few months...
I keep wondering if there is any way I can see for myself that my heart arterial arteries/veins whatever, are clear... I am seriously losing sleep over this and it is affecting my training for the Boston Marathon. I am thinking of dropping a thousand bucks in a private clinic in the United States just to get a CT scan of my heart...
Honestly, I feel like an idiot every time I think this, but the bottom line is that this pain is for real. And visiting my father in the hospital every day is the ultimate rebuttal to a life spent living in denial. Of course, once I again, I can not help but notice the strange correlation between my chest pain and seeing my father every day in the hospital for the past ten weeks...
Families, ya gotta luv 'em...
If I Google "arterial blockage symptoms" any more times I am going to scream. It's all medical mush and fuzzy generalities. Nothing specific.
You'd think they - the medical community, of course - would have devised a sound, logical, and rational way to figure this out by now...
Of course, you feel stupid for thinking this, and you know in your heart of hearts you're probably wasting everyone's time even mentioning it, but if I suffer a heart attack, and given my family history and all, I would feel pretty stupid having felt the way I have and not said anything.
God, bottom line, why isn't there a window into my heart arteries?
Families, ya gotta luv 'em...
I'd rather be suffering a sympathetic pregnancy...
Families. Ya gotta luv 'em...
I have been suffering severe chest pain for several months, specific to my left pectoral, and it feels internal and it radiates into my left arm. Of course, I am not the slightest bit ignorant of the fact that it happens to have coincided almost exactly with my father having been admitted to the hospital in Washington State with a heart attack on November 7, also about the exact same time I began to suffer from insomnia.
The chest pain, imagined or otherwise, is a dull ache that I feel almost every day, sometimes for several hours, and sometimes the pain is absolutely excruciating. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with chest pain. I know it sounds crazy, and I feel crazy for even thinking it, but I have to wonder, is it possible I have arterial blockages even with all my running? Am I just being a psychosomatic hypochondriac? A sympathetic heart attack?
I mean, even I am the first one to admit what a fucking drama queen I am. When the pain is really bad I take a couple of aspirin and I feel better. Imagination? I'm a FUCKING writer!!!
I mean, I did weigh fifty pounds more than I do right now when I was 39 and 40. I know I've run almost twenty marathons in the past six years but so did Jim Fixx and he dropped dead in his mid-fifties. Of course he also smoked but he was a skinny little bastard when he dropped dead.... And my Father, my Uncle and my Aunt have ALL had multiple heart attacks, bypass surgery and gotten diabetes BEFORE the age of sixty.
I even enrolled in a medical study because I get a blood test every month for nine months and a whole series of EKGs (or ECGs). How bizarre is that? Of course having erratic readings and having the nurse tell me I seemed "under stress" hasn't helped at all. Fact is, both my resting heart rate and my blood pressure have shot up in the past few months...
I keep wondering if there is any way I can see for myself that my heart arterial arteries/veins whatever, are clear... I am seriously losing sleep over this and it is affecting my training for the Boston Marathon. I am thinking of dropping a thousand bucks in a private clinic in the United States just to get a CT scan of my heart...
Honestly, I feel like an idiot every time I think this, but the bottom line is that this pain is for real. And visiting my father in the hospital every day is the ultimate rebuttal to a life spent living in denial. Of course, once I again, I can not help but notice the strange correlation between my chest pain and seeing my father every day in the hospital for the past ten weeks...
Families, ya gotta luv 'em...
If I Google "arterial blockage symptoms" any more times I am going to scream. It's all medical mush and fuzzy generalities. Nothing specific.
You'd think they - the medical community, of course - would have devised a sound, logical, and rational way to figure this out by now...
Of course, you feel stupid for thinking this, and you know in your heart of hearts you're probably wasting everyone's time even mentioning it, but if I suffer a heart attack, and given my family history and all, I would feel pretty stupid having felt the way I have and not said anything.
God, bottom line, why isn't there a window into my heart arteries?
Families, ya gotta luv 'em...
I'd rather be suffering a sympathetic pregnancy...
posted by Vince Hemingson at 11:01 PM
2 Comments:
Do us all a favor and go for the CT scan. Either that or learn how to meditate!
Glad your Dad is coming home.
Vince,
Read my post of today, which I wrote prior to reading this one. Needless to say, get tested! Listen to Cooper's show (link to be added to post) and learn. They often talk of not dying of something stupid. You may have had a heart attack, and not doing something about it might fall into that category. My post is here:
http://scootersweightloss.blogspot.com/2007/01/spaghetti.html
Post a Comment
<< Home