Thursday, November 08, 2007

Hello, My Namie is Vince and...

Hello, my name is Vince.

"Hi, Vince," calls out a Greek chorus!

And I am a stupidity addict. I have been addicted to stupidity for over forty-seven years.

The room gasps.

Yes, it's true. And when I stop and think of all the stupid things I have done in my life, I'm probably lucky to still be alive. I've always been attracted to, lusted after, craved, and had a great weakness for stupidity. The more impulsive it was, the more I liked it. The more rash the stupidity, the crazier the actual act of stupidity, the more I did of it. I lived for stupidity. Oblivious to all else. And not just normal stupidity, but stupidity on a grandeur and a scale that makes even me, in my rare rational and lucid moments, gasp and shake my head and make me wonder, "What the Hell was I thinking?", the answer of course being that I wasn't thinking at all.

Like most stupidity addicts, I have tried to rationalize my stupidity. Called it things like a "sense of adventure", "whimsy", "joie de vivre". I have thought of myself not as stupid, but a "bon vivant", a lover of life, and as a writer, compelled to be open to all the experiences that life has to offer. In other words, addicted to stupidity.

And I can't even begin to tell you what my stupidity has cost me in terms of friends, loved ones, money, career and health.

I had hoped that over time - let's face it, I'm getting a little long in the tooth to still be acting stupid - and with the loving support of my family and friends that I would beat my addiction to acts of gross stupidity.

After the Portland Marathon, and failing to re-qualify for the Boston Marathon, I vowed to be a rational, logical, clear-thinking adult. I swore my stupid days were behind me.

I really hoped to be able to live a life of quiet happiness, free of the stupidity monkey on my back.

And for four full weeks, I took my stupidity one day at a time.

I had three dinner parties. I wined and dined with friends. I made long-term plans for the future that didn't include stupidity.

After Portland, I didn't even run for a WHOLE FREAKING WEEK!

I took long walks with my dogs. I enjoyed the crisp autumn air and the leaves changing colour. I bought a new computer. I helped a few friends around the house.

But, there is no getting away from the fact that I am addicted to stupidity.

And even though I regularly sleep with two dogs - and know full well the dangers of such - I just couldn't let sleeping dogs lie, or is it lay?

So I have once again fallen off the wagon...

I am going to run the Olympia Marathon in Olympia, Washington on December 16, which just happens to be a Boston Marathon Qualifier.

Yes, I know this is an act of stupidity.

I was going to try and keep this a secret, but we all know that the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem.

What can I say?

I'm stupid.

Actually, it's worse than that.

I'm old enough and theoretically smart enough to know better, and I'm still stupid.

Vince Hemingson, stupidity addict.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Dogfish Dave said...

Brilliant post Vince! Had me LOL-ing in the aisles as I recognised a kindred spirit.

Enjoy the journey to Washington.

DfD

1:42:00 AM  

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