Thursday, November 08, 2007

Hello, My Namie is Vince and...

Hello, my name is Vince.

"Hi, Vince," calls out a Greek chorus!

And I am a stupidity addict. I have been addicted to stupidity for over forty-seven years.

The room gasps.

Yes, it's true. And when I stop and think of all the stupid things I have done in my life, I'm probably lucky to still be alive. I've always been attracted to, lusted after, craved, and had a great weakness for stupidity. The more impulsive it was, the more I liked it. The more rash the stupidity, the crazier the actual act of stupidity, the more I did of it. I lived for stupidity. Oblivious to all else. And not just normal stupidity, but stupidity on a grandeur and a scale that makes even me, in my rare rational and lucid moments, gasp and shake my head and make me wonder, "What the Hell was I thinking?", the answer of course being that I wasn't thinking at all.

Like most stupidity addicts, I have tried to rationalize my stupidity. Called it things like a "sense of adventure", "whimsy", "joie de vivre". I have thought of myself not as stupid, but a "bon vivant", a lover of life, and as a writer, compelled to be open to all the experiences that life has to offer. In other words, addicted to stupidity.

And I can't even begin to tell you what my stupidity has cost me in terms of friends, loved ones, money, career and health.

I had hoped that over time - let's face it, I'm getting a little long in the tooth to still be acting stupid - and with the loving support of my family and friends that I would beat my addiction to acts of gross stupidity.

After the Portland Marathon, and failing to re-qualify for the Boston Marathon, I vowed to be a rational, logical, clear-thinking adult. I swore my stupid days were behind me.

I really hoped to be able to live a life of quiet happiness, free of the stupidity monkey on my back.

And for four full weeks, I took my stupidity one day at a time.

I had three dinner parties. I wined and dined with friends. I made long-term plans for the future that didn't include stupidity.

After Portland, I didn't even run for a WHOLE FREAKING WEEK!

I took long walks with my dogs. I enjoyed the crisp autumn air and the leaves changing colour. I bought a new computer. I helped a few friends around the house.

But, there is no getting away from the fact that I am addicted to stupidity.

And even though I regularly sleep with two dogs - and know full well the dangers of such - I just couldn't let sleeping dogs lie, or is it lay?

So I have once again fallen off the wagon...

I am going to run the Olympia Marathon in Olympia, Washington on December 16, which just happens to be a Boston Marathon Qualifier.

Yes, I know this is an act of stupidity.

I was going to try and keep this a secret, but we all know that the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem.

What can I say?

I'm stupid.

Actually, it's worse than that.

I'm old enough and theoretically smart enough to know better, and I'm still stupid.

Vince Hemingson, stupidity addict.


Anonymous Dogfish Dave said...

Brilliant post Vince! Had me LOL-ing in the aisles as I recognised a kindred spirit.

Enjoy the journey to Washington.


1:42:00 AM  

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